woah, y am i not sleeping? maybe because of the 2 hours i slept just now. lemme see, wad are my plans for today, hmmmm. at 12, its swimming with bert daryl and spidey, wonder if i will wake up. ahaha. daryl told me, girls are best at acting blur when guys drop hints on girls, and i feel that its damn right. LOL. but actually thats wad they can only do at that moment bah. we cant expecting them to freakout on the spot and reject that poor guy wad. haha. see, guys are understanding at times. =/

just had a lil chat wit xing, and to all worrying folks, she is fine now. yea, the lil issue is over so lets not harp about it too. xing is da girl man, she rules BIG TIME. you go, girl. =D

now jo said "love is suppose to be fair" but, how do u actually consider a fair relationship? normally, the guy likes that girl, they chat. but due to the guy's impulsive nature, he neglect his friends advices to hold it and confesses to the girl. valiant effort, i must say, but the girl is like "damn, i dun even know this guy well and he is asking me to be his girl? he is crazy man." . this is what i think that is goin thru the girl's brain. might not be true but its the only most reasonable conclusion that i can come to. but having said this, there are 2 possible outcomes.

first, the 2 continue to be good friends, and the girls starts to take notice of the guy, all flows well, the guy muster the courage to ask the question again and they either end up happily ever after or they end up breaking up. then the vicious cycle continues itself.

secondly, the 2 dun tok at all, the feel awkward when either party see the other 1 sign in from msn, saw him/her at some weird place. normally, girls move on. but if the guy cant move on, his mind start thinking about stupid stuff. he ask people whether he shud PM that girl anot. and he tells u how contridicting he feels, and all u can say is " actually, its ur choice" . so people, when u feel like that, actually its best to just do wad you wan. u wanna PM, then PM. dun go around and bla bla bla. because u know at the end of the day, u know its still up to you to make that choice.

but then, wad if the other party nv reply? then he will think, "damn, she's avoiding me." or probably " haix, as i expected. " . but guys, have u ever thought that she might be busy? because there ARE people who are on ' online ' status but they end up doin some things. take looking at themselves at the mirror per se. but no, the guys refuse to think that way, he insist that the girl hates him but he doesnt give up, and so, one faithful day, the girl replied. the boy went bonkers because of that. but yea, this will also probably lead back to the first case. haha, all i can say is dun mess wit fate.

here's another problem, girls and guys, do you actually still try to mantain the friendship with someone who rejected u? if u do, is it genuine?

for me, i do mantain that friendship, but if i tok long enuff. sometimes i find that girl a bother. and i sincerely believe this happens to alot of gentlemen out there, but my friends say "no, thats not the way, guys should always mantain the feng du. ". haha, seriously, it takes alot to even tok to someone who have rejected u, not to say a relationship. agree?

well, too bad if u don't. i couldnt care less.

now my case, there is this girl, we knew each other for some time now. we seldom chat, but that one particular day, i PM her, feeling that we would just tok about normal stuff which we probably forget the next day. so we chatted, and for some unknown reason, i felt the urge to PM her again, feeling that the last chat was great and wanting to continue feeling this good. so we chat, chat and still chat. now here comes the funny part, one fine day, i happen to have time to sit down and think, so i think about me and the girl fallin in love and doing sweet stuff, u know. the usual stuff. firstly, this might just be spur of a moment thing, so yea, might as well just make the best of it. so i think and think and think, i suddenly have this feeling and asked myself

" what if all over this came true? "

and my answer for that,

" i would definately want that to come true. "

and wit that in mind, its official that i like her. BUT one more thing, do i just like her because of her looks? or do i like her for who she is? so i think and think, and felt, it i am smitten by her looks ,why issit till now then i get this feeling? but i had to confirm wad i felt, so i continued chatting with her, the more i chat, the more im in love. so i asked my buddies for opinions, and being buddies, they wun say stuff like " give up la, she is too good for you". haha, of course they wun, they are ur buddies, they wun wan to shatter my miserable hope. but upon hearing these stuff, my confidence grew, and then that 1 day, someone had to tell me there is someone that is woo-ing her too. haha, one moment i was feeling good and confident, the next moment fate shovels shit in my face. but nvm, i take that by my stride and still talk to that girl, go out for movies and stuff. but suddenly, a buddy of mine talk to her. so in the beginning, i wasnt thinking much but as time pass, a thought came. "what if my buddy is woo-ing her too ?" . because i do talk to this buddy about me and her. so if he IS woo-ing her, then its kinda weird isint it?

so, i asked him " are u woo-ing her? " and he replied " no. ". i felt happy because i din wanted to lose a buddy like him because of a girl. as to me, relationship and friendship holds equal importance to me. but damn, im still seeing my buddy go out with her and stuff. so in short, i was kinda insecured. i know its not like she belong to me or something but damn, when u like someone, u just cant help feeling uneasy when she is goin out with other guys right? so there was this one time, i almost spill the beans. but damn lucky i did not. as i knew it will be a rejection in my face and i knew being friends with her is no longer a possibility. i am thinking " i cherish this friendship too much to take this risk " but im also feeling " im sure i like her and i know i wanted to be more then friends. "

so i came to one conclusion, and it is, i will wait. wait for her, wait for time to wash this feelings im having away. i will just wait. since i had waited for 2 years before, y cant i wait now? call me desperate, whatever u want. but my feelings for her and that strong, and there aint a thing i can do about it.


with all this said, i think im pretty satisfied now, just needed some method of relieve myself from all this shit and giv my fingers the excercise they are yearning. haha.

nice crapping there ronnie, well done. u really screw up now.