Sunday, November 30, 2008

you, me, us, we, family.

We've been working our asses off. OK, maybe not me. I only dance like 2 days per week. LOL.

As much as I wanna complain about the lost time, I figured I rather be thinking how to make full use of the coming free time.

Anyway, I liked the full run today.
maybe its the cheering,
maybe its the improvement of everyone,
maybe its seeing the amount of effort put in no matter how bad the vibe gets,
maybe its being able to dance finally after 5 days,
maybe its seeing my friends,
maybe its the music,

I don't really know why but it felt good. haha.

The talent in this club is really amazing, beyond imagination man.

but, the effort and the people's zeal, its even more impressing.

Ok, you might think im blowing things up trying to make everyone feel good. but I mean what I say, 100% straight up.

I know many feel that we aren't ready for stage, but I think its come to a point, its no longer whether we should judge ourselves bases on simple facts, how well you do a step, how did you manage to put in showmanship for that item.

I think its already boiling down to our WANT for this to happen, if we really WANT it to happen, 2 weeks is more then enough time to get whatever you want right. To me at least, i think this way.

I felt dry the last feel runs, its almost im only dancing because there's a full run, if not, I would not even get a chance to dance. I really felt sucky, I know I wanna dance every weekend, yet, when i actually stepped into the studio, I lost myself, amidst the commotion, the talking, the music. I can barely see myself in the mirror. Lost.

I find myself shy away from my own eyes when i dance in the mirror, I felt a sense of guilt, like I did not do a lot of people justice, like the people who allowed me to have a chance at their showcases. that's a really really lousy feeling. Not knowing your stuff, feeling like you are dragging an item down.

but now, its really a lot better for me now. I feel the love from my friends. See them taking the effort to approach me to teach me. Believe me, im damn thankful for it, although I don't look like I am. Now at least i know my stuff, i can start working on really making it good. Its a blardy late time to start only now, i know. I don't even wanna waste time defending myself for that.

If 2 weeks is what I have, then 2 weeks it is. I wanna be positive, be able to spur myself on in tough times like this myself, only then i can also affect my friends around me. I don't wanna rely anymore. I hate my habit of always letting small things get the better of me, always needing constant consolation.

I wanna be a better man. a even better dancer. And I swear I will be. Even though im as ordinary as one can get.


Sunday, November 09, 2008

man, its whatever.

sometimes, its just one of those days, you just feel tired, demoralized, lazy, messy, countless thoughts in your mind, find yourself all over the place.

today kinda feels exactly like that.

maybe I din have enough sleep last night,
maybe Im worried about posting,
maybe Im feeling fucked up after hearing Ann told us today.

there are 1001 reasons to feel fucked up.

but i just wan to find my escape.

it used to be the studio, maybe because of danzation, there's an unknown sense of responsibility that i am not particularly good at handling yet.

I really want danzation to be a big success. i know it will be.

maybe its army, maybe i know i gotta waste another week.

man, its whatever.. im one messed up guy. zzz.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

punched right in the gut.

and i cant do shit about it.

and theres army to take time away from you. zzz.

sometimes, life just really fucks you up to make sure you learn it the hard way.

and now happens to be one on those times. zzz.

come on, gimme what I want!

on the side note:

people please jia you for danzation, although we keep saying alot of things not done, but i see like actually alot of items done le. show everyone just put in effort to make the best out of it k?

don't let the negativity force you to practice.

instead, let the positivity motivate you to strive even harder. IF, you get what i mean. :D

peace people.

ron gonna be out for 2 weeks.

miss me. HAA