i never felt anything like this in these 18 years.
i have been suppressing my feelings for the last 11 months
i felt utterly useless seeing u wrapped by sadness. i could not reach for you, i was scared to offer help, i am afraid of what i will lead to - further burden for you.
but seeing u in that state, i swear it couldnt hurt me more. i saw the mask that you unwillingly but finally torn off you. but, what prevented me from approaching, even i do not know why.
is it because of my assumptions?
is it because i was timid?
or maybe im just too lousy a person?
i dont know, i really dont.
there is a invisible wall that seperates us like the sea and the sky. in my eyes, you are unreachable, almost unreal. A small change in you causes a big impact on me.
am i pathetic?
tell me. im lost in a sea of emotions right now.
people say being able to love someone with all your have is a blessing, but thats also a thin line between being foolish and faithful.
you are shrouded in a thick fog that has prevented me from entering your world.
is this your answer for me?
is it that you are unwilling to accept as someone that crossed you life?
or is it that im just so insignificant that you cant even bother to care?
whatever the reason maybe,
maybe its your personality,
maybe it is my lack of understanding in you,
maybe i am the one causing you all the trouble. believe me, i meant no harm.
with feelings like this, i never expect to get anything out of it. i really just wanna treat you good, like the way you are supposed to be.
i do not need anything from you, any return of any kind.
but i would rather you to love yourself more.
i promise i will be there, whenever you need. wherever you are.
i do not require you to accept me for anything, be it even as someone that u will acknowledge.
but the one thing that i need you to know is that, you are really a very special person to me. that this feelings i have, are all genuine.
sorry if i caused you troubles of any kind.
maybe when i have the courage, i will finally be able to come clean with my feelings.